


This Isn't Your Fault

by SamanthaAuburn



Category: Good Game (TV 2017)
Genre: Alex's old band, Good lordy this was hard to write, I will fill this fucking tag, M/M, Ryland JUST figured it out, Switched AU, Unrequited Love, concert stuff, rylex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-06-19 20:51:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15518343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamanthaAuburn/pseuds/SamanthaAuburn
Summary: Ryland wants to treat Alex for the fifth year "anniversary" of Alex moving in with him, so he buys VIP Starbomb tickets to their San Diego show. Little does he know that the opening act is Alex's old band. . . and they're none too happy to see him.





	This Isn't Your Fault

**Author's Note:**

> Another Tumblr prompt, set in the Switched AU before the full novel. This hurt to write...

“You got us _Starbomb tickets?”_

Ryland allowed himself a rare smile seeing Alex’s face light up with the news. He waved the tickets around before passing them to Alex. “They’re performing in San Diego. I thought you’d like to see them.” 

“How the hell did you get tickets?” Alex said, glancing over the tickets with glee. “They sell out instantly and they’re usually so expensive.” 

“I set an alarm for when they went on sale,” Ryland said. “And I saved up. I’ve always wanted to see them live. And I figured it’d be even more fun with a friend, so I got you one as well.” 

Alex’s face drooped a little. “So. . . how much do I owe you for this?” 

Ryland waved a hand. “Nothing. It’s a gift.” 

Alex frowned. “You sure?”

“Yeah,” Ryland said. “Think of it as an. . . anniversary gift. You’ve lived with me for five years now.” 

A flicker of some emotion Ryland couldn’t quite place flashed across Alex’s face when he said “anniversary” but it was gone in a second in favor of a smile.

“Has it really only been five years? Feels like a lifetime.” He laughed. “In only the best way of course.”

Ryland smirked. “Sure.”

“I can’t fucking wait, Ry,” Alex said. “Let’s plan a fancy dinner beforehand and really make a night of it. My treat.”

“As long as it’s not sushi.”

Alex laughed. “No sushi. Promise. I’d rather not tempt demons from my past this time.”

Ryland rolled his eyes. “‘Demon’ is definitely the right word to describe your father.”

“Careful,” Alex said. “He might take that as a compliment.”

\-----

Ryland parked the car outside The D Club in San Diego where Starbomb would be playing, then got out with Alex. Alex glanced across the parking lot where the line had already started filling with fans.

Alex clasped his hands together giddily. “Oh my god, Ryland, we’re _finally here.”_

Ryland smiled again. He had smiled a lot during this trip if he was honest. The tickets, the gas, the wear and tear on his car, the waking up early and dealing with San Diego traffic. . . every minute was worth it. He had never seen Alex so happy before. 

Alex gripped Ryland’s shoulders and leapt up and down. “Come on, come on, I wanna get in line!”

Ryland grinned. “Okay, okay.” Alex grinned and led the way.

Thirty or forty people took the front of the line into the club, many of which were dressed in full costumes. Alex got the idea last minute to buy some scraps of blue and pink fabric and make headbands for him and Ryland. 

“Dude, look at that Ninja Brian cosplay!” Alex said, all smiles. “Think he’ll take a picture with us?” 

“Maybe we can catch him after the show,” Ryland said, not quite willing to admit that he didn’t want pictures with strangers. “Let’s figure out where the VIP people go first, okay?” 

Alex’s eyes lit up. “You got us VIP. . .?” 

“You didn’t notice?” 

“No!” He threw his arms around Ryland. “Ryland, you’re a _treasure.”_

Ryland smirked a little. “Sure, Alex.” 

They made their way around the building to the VIP line. It wasn’t long before they were escorted into the club. Alex gripped Ryland’s hand, squeeing the whole time. 

Ryland couldn’t stop the near permanent smile on his face. Yes, this was definitely worth it. Who knew making someone else so happy felt so good?

But the moment they entered the club, Alex’s face fell.

Ryland frowned. “Alex? You okay?” 

Alex stared at the stage.

Three guys in grungy performance costumes wandered around on stage, checking equipment. None of them wore the Starbomb costumes, so Ryland assumed they were the opening band. Compared to Starbomb’s bright pinks, blues, and yellows, they looked positively drab. 

Alex couldn’t stop staring.

“Alex?” Ryland waved a hand in front of his face. “You there?” 

Alex shook his head and looked away from the stage. “Can we check the merch table before the Q&A?” 

Ryland watched him a moment, trying to read his face in the dark room. Nothing. He shrugged. “Sure.” 

They headed into the lobby. Ryland kept his gaze trained on Alex’s face, but by the time they got into better lighting, Alex was back to his usual grin. He pulled Ryland close to the merch table and browsed until someone called for VIP guests to come in for the Q&A.

Alex slugged behind everyone and they were among the last to enter the room. A bit strange considering how eager he had been to get near the front when they first arrived. 

“Don’t you wanna get closer to the stage?” Ryland asked.

“Naw, I’m good here,” Alex said, waving a hand like it wasn’t a big deal.

Ryland stared at Alex. Did he hear his voice crack just then? “Alex, are you sure you’re okay?” 

“Never better,” Alex said, though Ryland could hear the strain in his words.

Ryland lowered his gaze. “Alex--”

“Hey, everyone, we’re about to start the Q&A!” the MC said. “I can’t guarantee we’ll get to everyone’s question, but we’ve got an hour and a half for questions, so we’ll get to a lot of you! The first half of the Q&A will feature our opening band, Gas Station Bouquet. Give them a round of applause!” 

Ryland had never heard of the opening band, but he applauded like everyone else.

But Alex didn’t. He crossed his arms and stared at the floor.

Something was definitely wrong.

The three band members came on stage, waving. The leader, a guitarist with a crazy side mohawk dyed pink, took center stage. “Hey everyone! We’re super stoked to be touring with Starbomb.” He scanned the crowd. “I see lots of awesome fans wearing costumes out there and. . .” His gaze landed on Alex and Ryland. _“Alex?”_

Everyone turned to Alex. Ryland stared, eyebrows raised. 

Alex frowned. “. . .Hey, Chet.” 

Ryland’s jaw dropped. How the hell did he know this guy?

Chet laughed and slapped his knee. “I thought that was you I saw earlier! That scrappy-ass bandana makes you stand out.”

Alex slowly pulled the bandana off his head. “Heh, yeah. It was kind of last minute.” 

“Hey everyone, check this out,” Chet said, pointing to Alex. “Fun fact for you. This guy used to be our lead singer! What, like, two years ago?”

“Six. . .” Alex said quietly.

“Unlike the rest of us, Alex insisted on this flouncy sparkle jumpsuit with a cape,” Chet said, encouraging laughs from the audience. “Named himself Sweet Nuts or something.” 

“. . .Sexbang,” Alex said.

“Whatever,” Chet said, waving a hand. “Both are just as stupid.” He smirked. “Over-the-top stupidity. I’ll never understand that lame-ass persona.” 

Alex wrapped his arms around himself. “. . .Yeah.”

“I heard you were couch surfing,” Chet continued. “Couldn’t find another band, could you? Not surprised with that stupid persona and your terrible singing.” 

Alex narrowed his eyes. “Didn’t think it was terrible when we started that band.” 

Ryland frowned. He could hear the hurt in Alex’s voice.

“Yeah, well, my tastes have matured,” Chet said, the playfulness in his voice suddenly gone. “Did you ever find someone new to mooch off of? Parasite off them? Drain them dry? Heaven knows you’re as useless as a sack of flour.” He shook his head. “I take that back. At least you can make food with flour.”

To the credit of the audience, the laughter stopped and most people had the courtesy not to stare at Alex.

Ryland’s fists clenched. The nerve of this guy! Yeah, Alex was a bit of a drain, but to suggest he’s _useless. . ._

Alex glared at Chet, eyebrows knitted in anger, though his eyes glistened. “I’m not a parasite.” 

“Could have fooled me,” Chet said. “Used up all our savings while you lived with me.” 

Alex’s eyes were ready to spill over. “I’m not the one who used up _my_ savings! You’re the one who--”

“What _ever,”_ Chet said. “You’re just a drain. A black hole, never satisfied. I bet you found some poor chap to take you in, didn’t you? Maybe this guy with the matching raggedy-ass bandana? Do you pay him rent? Can you even keep a fucking job? Or does he support everything you do?”

“Just--” But Alex stopped. He turned to Ryland and stared, the tears getting to be too much. He pressed his lips together. 

Ryland stared back. Words ran through his head. _This guy doesn’t know what he’s talking about. You’re not a parasite. You’re amazing. You’re wonderful. You saved me. . . you saved me from myself. I needed you. . . I still need you._

But he couldn’t get his lips to move. 

Alex’s lip quivered. “Ry--”

“I think that’s enough, Chet,” a new voice said. Ryland looked up and saw Ninja Brian from Starbomb in full costume, minus the mask. “We’re here for a Q&A, not a bitch session about your old band mates.” 

Chet scoffed, but turned the floor back to questions. Ryland turned to Alex to see if he could undo some of the damage.

But Alex was gone.

A fresh panic ran through Ryland’s spine and he whipped around, desperately looking for him.

He caught a glimpse of Alex exiting the club into the alleyway. Tossing his pink bandana aside, he ran after his friend.

By the time Ryland pushed his way through the crowd and past security (who held him up for several minutes to make sure he knew he couldn’t come back in if he left) Alex was already almost to their car. Ryland watched as he stopped, stared at the car a moment, then turned and walked toward the parking lot exit, away from their vehicle. 

Oh no. He wasn’t getting away that easily. “Alex, wait!” 

But Alex didn’t stop moving. He turned down the sidewalk and behind a wall, out of sight.

Ryland ran as fast as his legs could carry him. _Don’t you dare fucking go. Don’t you dare leave me. I can’t be alone again._

_I need you._

_I. . . I. . ._

He shook his head of that thought, then whipped around the wall.

Alex sat on a bus bench, staring at the ground, holding two dollars in his hand, rubbing them together.

“Alex?” 

He didn’t acknowledge Ryland. 

Ryland walked over and squatted in front of Alex, trying to meet his eyes. “Alex, please. . .” 

“Just leave me here,” Alex said, still staring into space and ignoring Ryland’s gaze. “I’ll be fine.” 

“Alex--”

“I’m a drain,” Alex said, the tears flowing now. “I’m worthless. I can’t contribute a damn thing to the apartment. I’m the reason we’re so broke all the time. I. . .” He shut his eyes and fought sobs.

Ryland frowned. He pulled Alex into a hug, which Alex did not return.

“You’re not a drain,” Ryland said. “I’ve always been broke. This isn’t your fault, okay?” 

“All I do is take from you, Ry.” 

“That’s not true.”

Alex pulled away, stood, and walked several feet to the right, leaving Ryland feeling empty. He stared at Ryland, tear tracks making his face red. “What have I ever done for you? Huh? I tried buying you sushi all those years ago, and that backfired. I never have enough for even a tiny bit of rent. I use my own fucking money on weed and steal your booze and _what have I ever done for you?”_

Ryland stood and stared at him. _You got me to seek out my parents again. You helped pull me away from my deepest depression. You gave me a home that I look forward to coming to. You showed me I’m worth something. You gave me a reason to stop cutting._

_You saved my life._

But he couldn’t make the words come out. God damnit all, Alex needed to hear these things, and Ryland couldn’t make his voice work.

He slumped over to Alex instead and pulled him into the deepest hug he had ever given him. “Don’t go.” 

Alex still wouldn’t hug him back.

Ryland buried his face in Alex’s neck, holding him closer. “Don’t go.” _I need you._ “Don’t fucking go.” _You’re worth more than I could ever say._

God, of all the times he needed his mouth to work. . .

Alex shook in his arms before finally wrapping himself around Ryland. The tears grew to full sobs as he pulled Ryland close.

Ryland still couldn’t speak. But maybe he didn’t need to. 

They stood there for several minutes. 

God, Ryland wished he could get his mouth to move. Alex needed to hear how important he was. He needed to know how much Ryland cared about him. He needed to know the impact he had had.

Why couldn’t he get the words out?

He had to. He had to do it. He took a deep breath. “Alex--”

“Hey. Alex, right?” 

Ryland cursed and broke the hug with Alex to see who was talking.

It was Ninja Brian.

Alex turned and stared.

Ninja Brian frowned. “Hey. . . Sorry about what Chet said to you. That was completely uncalled for. You doing okay?”

Alex wiped his face. “Yeah. . . I guess so. . .” 

“I’m sure you don’t want to come back to the show after everything Chet said,” Ninja Brian said. He held out a piece of paper with a code on it. “But maybe you could join us on our tour next year. You can use this to get tickets. After today, Chet is not welcome on the next tour.”

Alex rubbed his arm. “I don’t want to see him punished for telling the truth. I’m a waste.” 

“Bullshit,” Ryland said. “He’s an ass and--” _you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me_ “--he deserves it.”

Ninja Brian gave a little smile. “Next time,” he said. “Sorry about that again. Hope that doesn’t put you off Starbomb.”

Alex took the paper Brian handed to him. “Thanks.” 

Ninja Brian nodded then turned and left.

Ryland pressed up against Alex. “Let’s go home.”

Alex took a deep breath. “. . .Do I still have a home to go to?”

God, that hurt his heart. “Alex, you will always have a home to go to.”

Alex leaned against Ryland. 

“I love you.” 

Those three little words. He had heard them so many times from Alex, but it never ceased to shock him. 

Alex couldn’t love him. No one loved him. Not like. . . that.

God. Is that what Alex meant? Not as brothers but. . . something more? How had he never seen it? 

He shook his head. He was reading too much into it. It was just the heat of the moment. 

Alex didn’t love him like that. 

He ignored the little flutter of his heart. He got Alex to stay. At least he got Alex to stay. He rubbed Alex’s shoulder and once again buried the feelings that came with Alex’s words. “I feel the same, bro. Come on. We’ll get shakes on the way home or something.”

Alex pressed his eyes shut a moment, then nodded. “Sure.” They walked in silence toward the car. “. . .Sorry about the concert.” 

“Next time,” Ryland said, getting into the car. “It’s fine.” _I still have you._

Alex managed a small smile. Ryland smiled back, trying to encourage him. _You’re not a waste of space. You’re important. I need you._

_I just don’t know how to tell you._


End file.
